NOISE Ride – O...

“To all that ride one speed bikes, like to keep dirt under their tires and don’t suck at life… Saturday, October 18th, for those not familiar, the ride will feature some of, but not all of, and certainly more than the following:Single track,Booze drinking,Sweet jumps,Park shredding,Public urination,Cheap...

PROBAR: The Worlds Most Expensive Energy Bar Oct17

PROBAR: The Worlds M...

I’m consistently amazed by my ability as a grownup to buy anything that strikes my fancy, with little or no approval. It’s this lack over oversight that has allowed me to, in a childish effort to impress shallow people, frivolously and methodically purchase the desired objects of my youth: my racecar bed with black...

Bob’s Red Mill Oatmeal Oct17

Bob’s Red Mill...

I had but one goal for this year’s Cross Crusade: to win oatmeal. The fine grain-magicians at Bob’s Red Mill decided to sponsor these races by giving out free, hot, body-and-soul replenishing oatmeal at races. They also donated large bags of steel cut oats as prizes. Due to a miraculous turn of events I became...

Halloween Race Costume Ideas Oct16

Halloween Race Costu...

It’s just a week and a half until the Cross Crusade Halloween Race in Astoria, and our reader (singular) is interested in costume ideas. As an avowed nudist who considers “pants” and “shoes” part of a “costume” that “the man” makes me wear every day, I’m not sure that...

One Hour Rides: Newberry to Germantown

It would be awesome if every ride we posted was an all day affair, complete with rolling hills and epic views and a picnic of champagne and strawberries, finished off with a sunset hot air balloon ride piloted by Frenchman named Francois, who spends an hour explaining the intricacies of hot air balloon operation, but in French, so we can’t understand him. Unfortunately, we don’t have an hour to learn about hot air balloons, Francois. It’s getting cold and dark these days. I’ve barely got an hour to ride, before I have to get home and tend to my drunkness. So here is a ride that, while not classy, is fast and fun and tiring. Start at the NE Blend coffee shop, with your fingers tightly gripping a cup off coffee. In...

Vendetta

It’s no secret that I like to get drunk. I once read that a glass of red wine each night reduces the risk of heart disease, so I’ve always assumed that larger doses and greater alcohol content could cure all kinds of ailments, including conversational awkwardness, an inability to tell interesting stories, and a...

Easton EC90 Aero Carbon Tubular Wheelset Oct14

Easton EC90 Aero Car...

I’ve got to get something off my chest. I’ve never ridden these wheels, these wheels I’m about to review. I have no experience with them, other than looking at them on other peoples bikes. I know a lot of review sites would frown upon reviewing a product they’ve never used. They’d throw around all...

Cross Crusade #2: Wi...

I had heard that the Wilsonville race was going to be at an abandoned mental institution now haunted by the ghosts of Ken Keasey, Abraham Lincoln, and the guy that played the crazy doctor in Canonball Run. And that the course would route us through the sanitarium, across an ancient Indian burial ground, through a spirit cave,...

Make Me a Cyclocross Champion: Training Diary Part 2 Oct10

Make Me a Cyclocross...

Preface: This is Part Two of a Two Part Training Journal that Cait and Dawn are working on for their own zine. This was borrowed – Ok, fine… it was STOLEN – with their permission. I wanted to call it She Said/She Said, but Cait made fun of me. You should buy it when it comes out. Printed on real paper....

Make Me a Cyclocross Champion: Training Diary Part 1 Oct09

Make Me a Cyclocross...

Preface: This is Part One of a Two Part Training Journal that Cait and Dawn are working on for their own zine. This was borrowed – Ok, fine… it was STOLEN – with their permission. I wanted to call it “She Said/She Said”, but Cait made fun of me. You should buy it when it comes out. Printed on real...

Cross Crusade #1: Al...

This race report will follow the format of the last few weeks, barely addressing the topic at hand (ie: the Alpenrose race) and instead focusing on the issues that matter to the American people: hunting wolves from helicopters and the coming econ-apocalypse! I insist on bringing this up (again) because at Alpenrose this weekend...

Dutch Canyon –...

I should have known that I was in trouble when my riding partner mentioned over coffee that he had consumed a pre-ride pot cookie to help him “zone out”. And I should have grown more concerned when he told me, as we carved our way down the pockmarked pavement on Rock Creek, that he was “starting to feel...

Silver Falls –...

My first experience in the beautiful farmland East of Salem was the Mt. Angel Oktoberfest, where I drank my weight in Bud Light from a beer stein, and unwittingly opened an unlocked Honey Bucket and found a pair of young bumkins in the act of, as Chuck Woolery would say, “whoopie” while a polka band played the...

Battle at Barlow ...

Everyone kept talking about the Barlow runnup like it was their new baby. “When are you going to come over and see the runnup?!” … “Can you believe the runnup?”… “Isn’t the runnup amazing?!”… ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR RUNNUP ALREADY! Some of us are happy in our sad, selfish...

Rickreall Rampage &#...

I’m brand new to the world of cyclocross, so please keep the rookie factor in mind when reading this report about last Saturday’s Rickreall Rampage.  The race took place at illustrious messenger R. Kelley’s farm in Rickreall, Oregon, and from what I could gather, the excitement level was high among veteran...

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