Arleta Library Baker...

Arleta Library Cafe has the best breakfasts in Portland. I know, I’ve said things like this before. But this time I mean it. It really, truly is the best breakfast in Portland. And the wait isn’t very long. And the people that work there are super nice. And the coffee is delicious and bottomless. And the baked goods...

Media Review: Six Pack Dec19

Media Review: Six Pa...

I’ve learned a lot about the Internet in the two months since I got one. I’ve learned that “LOL” means “very funny” and that “BRB” means “I’m bored with this conversation and will most likely not be returning.” And that “A++++ EBAYER!@#$ WULD BUY AGAIN!...

Paul Canti Brakes Dec17

Paul Canti Brakes

I’d like to talk about brakes. Actually, that’s not true. I feel completely dispassionate about brakes. But I feel obligated to talk about brakes. Because this is supposed to be a website about bike stuff, and I’ve been wasting everyone’s time talking about cookies and pornography (even though I do not...

Isotoner Gloves Dec14

Isotoner Gloves

Christmas shopping fucking sucks. For the last five or ten years I’ve been saddled with a guilt-based gift theory that everything I buy needs to be consumable or transferable. Which is why, by my estimation, a book or some homemade cookies are a “good” Christmas gift and VHS pornography is a “bad”...

First! Dec14

First!

If I’ve learned just one thing about the internet during my 10+ years working bullshit office jobs that require little more of me than just looking at videos of monkeys peeing in their own mouths, it’s that Internet people love numbers. If you put a number in front of something, they’ll read it. That’s...

Larch Mountain ̵...

I’d never ridden Larch Mountain until the the hill climb race last year. It was just like a normal recreational ride, except I was alone the goal was to ride as fast as possible. Apparently that’s how time trials work.  I remember that it was really cold at the top. Which I didn’t notice on the way up,...

The Sum of All Fears Dec09

The Sum of All Fears

On Sunday I did two things that I thought would be a lot of fun, but they both turned out to pretty much “meh”. I also studied for my math final. This was also “meh”. So I thought I would review them using word problems. Feel free to use scratch paper, and remember to show your work! 1. The Cross Crusade...

USGP of Cyclocross: ...

I had planned to talk about the races this weekend, but no one cares about my race observations. I mean, what is there to talk about, really? There were some muddy parts and some dry parts and some parts where people wrecked and some mildly famous people. But if you raced it, you already know all of this. And if you...

Media Review: Top 5 Burt Reynolds Car Movies Dec01

Media Review: Top 5 ...

Every season has something for a cyclist. Fall is for cyclocross. Summer is for touring and mountain biking. Spring is for road racing and track. And Winter… well, winter is for eating cookies and watching television. Unfortunately as bicyclists, I feel like we’re underrepresented in the media and keep getting...

Thanks. For nothing. Nov29

Thanks. For nothing.

Thanksgiving, for me, is generally a time to visit the loved ones in my family who have large televisions and watch hours and hours of the Gilmore Girls, alone, while they cook and do the dishes. And to look at them warmly as I think to myself “Yes, I would like some more boxed wine, thank you.” I’m not...

Thanksgiving’r

Whenever people used to ask me why I knew some random fact, my favorite response was, “I read it on a blog.” This joke was funny because the idea of me reading a blog was preposterous. Why would I want to read someone’s internet ranting? I barely read my email. But then this blog (actually I call it a “website”, ...

Laughing Planet

I’m writing about burritos because as I sit here, eating a traditional Thanksgiving dinner of pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets and repeated shots of Pancho Villa tequila, I can’t stop thinking about the Pilgrims, and how beautiful those first burritos must have tasted to them in 1492. Things were harder back then, of...

Kruger’s Cross...

Each cyclocross race this season has played to different abilities of its racers. Rainier was for climbers, Wilsonville for mountain bikers, PIR for costume wearers, Hillsboro for shit eaters, and so on. Continuing this trend, Kruger’s Crossing seemed to be tailor made for those able to ride over a pile of rotting pumpkins....

Weaver’s Tour ...

I decided to celebrate Americas economic decline, which continues to be the only thing outperforming analyst expectations, by calling in sick and going for a bike ride. From North Portland to Wilsonville, then back up through Lake Oswego. It was a tour of Portland’s income distribution, showing us what Portland looked...

Waffle Makers of Por...

Portland has gone waffle crazy, and I attribute it all to bike racing. You get one of those crazy race junkies talking about Belgium, and their eyes go all wonky and they start blathering about Walloon and the Phlegms and Sven Nys and the War Crimes Tribunal. And waffles, always waffles. Well you know what, excitable race guy?...

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