Jackson Quarry – 47 Miles

This country has a lot of weird shit in it. When I was a kid, I remember going into a rest stop in Missouri that had a severed head floating in formaldehyde, just sitting on the counter. Nobody famous. Just some guy. This head was supposed to make me want to buy more Gatorade or something, but they put it next to the picked eggs, which I remember just made me feel conflicted. And I love picked eggs. Now I’ve just read that a pawn shop in Texas has Pancho Villa’s trigger finger in their collection. Until today, I had always assumed that Pancho Villa was just another Cuban revolutionary who sold T-shirts with his picture on them to tourists who thought he somehow represented “sticking it to the man.” But it turns out...

2009 PIR Short Track

Even though I describe my off-road nature-riding as “mountain biking” with quote-fingers, to make it clear that I know that what I am doing can barely be referred to as such, the Short Track race series at PIR is, hands down, my favorite bicycle race. And that’s because it’s not really mountain biking....

Top 6 Sports Movies that have nothing to do with bikes Jun29

Top 6 Sports Movies ...

Sports movies are better than other movies because sports movies know that you have to put an awesome song right before people are about to do something awesome. Like when the Karate Kid is whupping some surfer dude ass, and they’re playing that “You’re the Best” song by someone that no one has ever...

Batter Blaster Jun29

Batter Blaster

Batter Blaster is a pressurized organic pancake batter gun. Imagine Han Solo. Now imagine Han Solo concerned about the effects of pesticides both on the environment and in the food he consumes. Now imagine Han Solo making pancakes for Leia on a Sunday morning wearing Boba Fett underoos. That’s pretty much the whole thing right there. Also, I think that you can use it for whippets. New Seasons had it, but then they sold all of it. To me. And never restocked. You can still buy Batter Blaster at Fred...

Little Switzerland &...

I’m not one to make excuses, but I haven’t written anything lately because I’ve been in Switzerland. The big one. I was there researching this ride in Oregon, the little one, the one you’re reading about right now. It was a long flight just to check facts that I’ll be fabricating anyway, so now...

The Future Jun16

The Future

I’ve seen the future, and it isn’t that cool. We’re getting dangerously close to 2015 of Back to the Future, and we have almost nothing to show for it. We were supposed to have some Jetson’s shit going, with conveyor belts and video phones and whiny robots that complain about cleaning up. Instead,...

Mt. Tabor Series ...

When I’m not busy worrying about the swine flu pandemic or the collapse of our delicately balanced financial system, I like to kick back with tall boy and worry about volcanoes. And I’ve just learned that we’re living on a SUPER VOLCANO. What’s the difference between a regular volcano and a super...

Silverton/Rehearsal ...

As road season winds down, I am finding myself stumped on what to say about it. Early season races arrived with a multitude of joke potential, but at this point I can find little to report on except that I went to a race, rode in some physically taxing circles, and then went home and enjoyed an ice cream cone in a post race...

Posies Cafe

Posies Cafe is a new coffee shop in Kenton, and it has the biggest glass doors of any coffee shop in all of North Portland*. These glass doors afford Posies the grandest view of the “Up In Smoke” head shop of any establishment in all of Kenton. Until now, Kenton has been the place I buy my booze and pray to the Paul...

Ward’s Wild Ride #2 – 85 Miles

The name “Ward’s Wild Ride #2″ implies that Ward goes on lots of wild rides. Enough of them that they need to be numbered Dewey Decimal style for organizational purposes. Which is totally true. Every mysterious ride in Portland that involves skinny tires and long gravel sections can be somehow traced back to Ward. She’s the Kevin Bacon of local adventure cycling, never more than six connections from your favorite off road “road” ride. The “wild” part of this route is at the ten mile marker of Larch Mountain. That’s the part where the gate remains closed because of snow. That’s also the part where Ward says “let’s ride this crazy steep gravel road only I know...

WSJ Finally Acknowle...

I haven’t posted anything about the economy lately, because my terror alert meter has been primarily focused on swine flu and I can only freak out about a single thing at a time. But I thought it was important to point out that Portland decided to showboat for the Wall Street Journal last week, bragging about its...

Portland to Olympia – 135 Miles

Running from your problems is generally considered a bad thing I think, but after getting pretty much fucked in the face by school this term I decided I seriously needed a mini vacation. The problem is that I recently joined the one-less-car club (not by choice). I have also been a long-term member of the much-less-money club. This makes travel difficult. Somehow these factors led me to decide that I should ride my bike to Olympia, spend the night, and then take the train back the next day. I hastily bought a return ticket on Amtrak so I couldn’t chicken out and started trying to find bike routes to my destination. An amazing thing about the internet it that you assume you can find anything on it, so when you can’t find...

The Cyclist’s Guide to Body Hair May11

The Cyclist’s ...

I don’t know why cyclists shave their legs. They seem to have a million reasons, each of them different, but I think they might all be stupid. The reasons, I mean. Not the leg shaving cyclists. They’ve got their motivations for being silky smooth, I assume. And since all of them are faster than me, I can’t...

Chickenball Run

The only racing I did this weekend was the Corndog-organized Chickenball Run. The race was equal parts bike riding and pinball. But more than that, it was a benefit race to raise money for Chicken who needs some kind of medical procedure related to Avian Flu. Which is like Pig Flu. But for poultry. Which we did. But I think we...

Mix Tape Recommendations May06

Mix Tape Recommendat...

I need some new riding music. I feel like I have a pretty large music collection, but it has an unfortunate percentage of novelty albums from the heyday of Napster. And while I enjoy kicking back after a long day of work with a nice Chardonnay and the soothing slow jams of Mr. T’s hit “Don’t Talk to...

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