NOISE Ride – O...

“To all that ride one speed bikes, like to keep dirt under their tires and don’t suck at life… Saturday, October 18th, for those not familiar, the ride will feature some of, but not all of, and certainly more than the following:Single track,Booze drinking,Sweet jumps,Park shredding,Public urination,Cheap...

Cross Crusade #2: Wi...

I had heard that the Wilsonville race was going to be at an abandoned mental institution now haunted by the ghosts of Ken Keasey, Abraham Lincoln, and the guy that played the crazy doctor in Canonball Run. And that the course would route us through the sanitarium, across an ancient Indian burial ground, through a spirit cave,...

Cross Crusade #1: Al...

This race report will follow the format of the last few weeks, barely addressing the topic at hand (ie: the Alpenrose race) and instead focusing on the issues that matter to the American people: hunting wolves from helicopters and the coming econ-apocalypse! I insist on bringing this up (again) because at Alpenrose this weekend...

Battle at Barlow ...

Everyone kept talking about the Barlow runnup like it was their new baby. “When are you going to come over and see the runnup?!” … “Can you believe the runnup?”… “Isn’t the runnup amazing?!”… ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR RUNNUP ALREADY! Some of us are happy in our sad, selfish...

Rickreall Rampage &#...

I’m brand new to the world of cyclocross, so please keep the rookie factor in mind when reading this report about last Saturday’s Rickreall Rampage.  The race took place at illustrious messenger R. Kelley’s farm in Rickreall, Oregon, and from what I could gather, the excitement level was high among veteran...

Eugene Short Cross #...

There’s something adorable about Southern and Central Oregon cross races that makes you just want to pinch their cheeks and fix their cowlicks by spittin’ on your hand. They’re small, and everyone knows one another. No one seems nervious. No one cares about holeshots. The riders are are all the same cailiber...

Hood River Double Cr...

My brother said to me the other day, “I wish there was a show on TV these days that opened like CHiP did, where a rollerskating disco theif would ride away in a sidecar and cause a Pinto to flip over on the highway.” I’m telling you this, not because it has anything to do with bike racing, but because my...

Starcrossed – ...

I didn’t go to Starcrossed up in Seattle. Because I suck. But it’s such a popular race I wanted to make sure that it was represented here. So I decided to interview my So So Velo Senior Northwest Race Correspondent. I don’t have a course map to go with this, because our correspondent doesn’t use high...

Kruger’s Kerme...

I want to be neutral and tell you about “the” race, not “my” race. But you know what? “The” race was exactly the same as the last race, so there isn’t much to tell. Dry. Dusty. Bumpy. Fast. Fresh produce. Jam band. Dirty faces. No shade. Corn stalks. Amy WInehouse on repeat play for 5...

Krugers Kermese #2 &...

We hear at the So So Velo West Coast Corporate Headquarters are pretty fucking tired of Summer. But no matter how many culturally insensitive rain dances we did, we were stuck with another hot and dusty Kermese this week. While the Cubans were getting Tina Turner’d by the rain and wind of Hurricane Ike, Portland racers...

SSCXWC – Novem...

While there were many memorable events this weekend, the highlight for me was forcing an Olympic cyclist to eat two very large VooDoo doughnuts to qualify for Sunday’s race. Sure, I’ve killed celebrities before. Like the time in high school when I sold Hoyt Axton three pounds of fudge just weeks before he died of a...

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