Sublime in Sublimity...

I actually thought I was going to see a Sublime reunion show in Sublimity, OR until I pulled up and saw all these people with bikes…But since I was already there I decided to just do the race anyway. The internet defines sublime as: “Inspiring awe; worthy of adoration or reverence” I define this race...

Cherry Pie Road Race...

I get nervous before bicycle races. Really nervous, like with body shakes and everything. And I am most nervous after taking a few months off from racing. So today I decided to just get it over with by doing the Cherry Pie Road Race in beautiful Albany, OR. Sadly I received a crushing blow upon my arrival: there is not any...

Road Trip: SAC CX &#...

SAC CX (the Sacramento, CA cyclocross series) is pretty much as different from the Cross Crusade as it could be:  *The biggest category, A Men, consisted of maybe 25 people.  *People are very serious. *Everyone seemed put off when I cheered loudly  *I only saw one cowbell, and I actually never heard it *No free oatmeal The...

USGP of Cyclocross: ...

I had planned to talk about the races this weekend, but no one cares about my race observations. I mean, what is there to talk about, really? There were some muddy parts and some dry parts and some parts where people wrecked and some mildly famous people. But if you raced it, you already know all of this. And if you...

Thanksgiving’r

Whenever people used to ask me why I knew some random fact, my favorite response was, “I read it on a blog.” This joke was funny because the idea of me reading a blog was preposterous. Why would I want to read someone’s internet ranting? I barely read my email. But then this blog (actually I call it a “website”, ...

Kruger’s Cross...

Each cyclocross race this season has played to different abilities of its racers. Rainier was for climbers, Wilsonville for mountain bikers, PIR for costume wearers, Hillsboro for shit eaters, and so on. Continuing this trend, Kruger’s Crossing seemed to be tailor made for those able to ride over a pile of rotting pumpkins....

Cross Crusade #8: Hi...

I’m no Howard Hughes. I don’t believe in any sort of x-second rule for food that has fallen on the floor, and I’d never kick a Hepburn sister out of bed for drinking from the carton. Okay, maybe Kate. But not the hot one. Also, I cut my fingernails and I’m not batshit crazy. The point here is that...

Cross Crusade #7: PIR – November 9, 2008

Let’s be honest: no one really cared about Cross Crusade this week. They just wanted to put on their funny clothes and participate in the SSCXWC. But even though the interest in the regular race was low, people were excited to see the pros that showed up. So the whole thing felt like one of those “very special episodes”. Like the time Deacon Jones showed up on the Brady Bunch to tell Peter that he wasn’t a sissy for being in the school choir. And then he might have done some coke and molested one of the other Brady kids. I’m not sure. That may have been a different very special episode. Anyway, I wasn’t even going to write about it. That’s why it’s Friday and I’m just now getting to...

Spand and Deliver II

Here are some facts*: 90% of Portlanders are cyclists. 87% of Portland cyclists race cyclocross. 99% of cyclocross racers planned to try to qualify for the SSCXWC the same day that Spand and Deliver II had been scheduled. So the big question was, would anyone show up to our race? Here is a table much like the ones that I am...

Cross Crusade #6: Ba...

The best part of the muddy cyclocross races are they way that they make the racers look shell-shocked. Like they just fought the Battle of the Bulge. And lost. But one thing that is clear after a race like this; our crazy-eyed mouth-breathing spandex clad army would have totally dominated the Great War (or as my great uncle...

Cross Crusade 4 & 5: Astoria – October ...

I was already on the fence about going to Astoria for the weekend. It was a long trip and a lot of money that could have easily been spent on other things, like the delicate lemon shortbread cookies from the New Seasons bakery. For the same price as my trip to the beach this weekend, I would probably be able to buy enough of these cookies to fill up a large plastic childrens swimming pool. Then I would climb into the cookie pool and try to eat my way out. For a cx racer of my limited abilities, this seemed like an equally rational alternative to driving 2 hours each way and spending 2 solid days riding and discussing bikes and bike racing. But there was one thing that swayed me towards Cross Crusade races #4 and #5: Bob’s Red Mill...

Cross Crusade #3: Ra...

Two weeks ago, I swore off cyclocross. To my friends, the decision must have seemed rash, or probably just overly dramatic. After all, I had only really participated in one full race before formulating the life-altering decision to remove myself from the sport forever. But my early retirement was not without good reason and...

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