2010 Portland USGP

Forties and fifties of people came out on Saturday to watch the celebrities of a small subgroup (cyclocross) of a much larger not-so-popular sport (cycling) that doesn’t get a fraction of the media attention of Juniors Figure Skating duke it out for overall supremacy at PIR. Maybe it’s because cyclists never have musical accompaniment by Mannheim Steamroller. Or maybe it’s because the sport is always outside in the cold and never with established seating or mobile hot dog vendors that come directly to you. Whatever the reason, no one cares about cycling or its celebrities except cyclists. Until one of those celebrities fucks an Olsen twin. And this is why cycling is awesome. Cycling celebrities are just like normal...

Kruger’s Cross...

Kruger’s Crossing this year was all kinds of miserable weather, and I didn’t have the energy to ride a lap or two while hoping for something to go wrong with my bike allowing me to quit guilt free. So I just didn’t race. I may have gone on The Worst Road Ride Ever™ instead, and that road ride may have ended...

2010 Cross Crusade #...

Barton Park has always been one of my favorite race venues. Probably because it’s usually near the end of the season, and the end of the season means I don’t have to spend Sunday nights hosing off my muddy shit any more. I haven’t done many Crusade races this year, but it appears that while I was away every...

2010 Cross Crusade #...

Click for PIR photos Don’t get me wrong, that PIR race was super fun. But if I had it all to do over again, I would have spent my afternoon in bed eating a 5 pound bag of trick or treat sized Snickers bars and watching season two of Veronica Mars, while trying to figure out the Scooby Doo endings before they become...

Ninkrossi CX: Octobe...

The rumor surrounding the new Ninkrossi CX course was that it was going to be flat and smooth. Which is apparently secret code for “not flat” and “not smooth”, a code I assume was developed on the OBRA forums to coax unhappy Sherwood fence sitters into going to Washugal instead. Well played, Washugal. On...

Heiser Farm CX: Octo...

Ah, autumn. The mornings are crisp and foggy, and people have again begun tweeting preventative excuses for their poor race performances (“I’m so sick” or “I’m working so hard” or “I haven’t been on the bike in X weeks”.) So much has changed since I wrote basically the same...

Mt. Tabor Series – 2010

I really want to talk about the Mt. Tabor series, but all I can really discuss these days is my new slow motion camera. It’s just like a regular shitty old digital camera… IF A REGULAR SHITTY OLD DIGITAL CAMERA TOOK AMAZING SLOW MOTION VIDEOS! The uses are limitless. Unless you’re like me, in which case the uses are limited to funny faces and flying kittens. So let’s just set aside the details of the tabor races for a second, and instead feast our eyes on this… Yea. It’s a race video. In slow motion. With a crazy kid spinning around like Stevie Nicks in the foreground. The Mt. Tabor Race Series is exactly the same as it was last year. And the year before that. In fact, I think they just change the dates...

Mississippi Crit – June 12, 2010

I have to say that this has been one super fun week of cycling. It’s been so fun that it almost makes me want to start talking about cycling again. So consider this my triumphant return to the world of competitive talking about somewhat competitive cycling. I welcomed myself back by going for a truly stellar bike ride before attending a BBQ on the route of the Mississippi Crit. I’ve been listening to people recount the amazing end of this race for 24 hours. Even my coworkers are talking about it. It’s practically an internet meme these days, like the sneezing panda or Star Wars kid. Though he swears “this has never happened to him before”, the tiniest sprinter is a premature celebrator. And he prematurely...

Cross Crusade #5-6: ...

This weekend a bunch of bike racers went to Astoria. At the time it seemed like fun. But now that I’ve been reading the internet it sounds like it was mostly miserable, and I just remembered it wrong. For me, it comes down to this simple relaization: I’m happy to spend time with people who drink beer, but I think...

Cross Crusade #3: Sh...

It’s Tuesday, so I’m sure that both of you have already scoured the internet for all of the race reports and photos. Blah blah blah… a hill… blah blah blah… then everyone stopped for a little log… blah blah blah… horse poop… blah blah blah. Personally, I’m still reeling from...

Blind Date at the Dairy #1 – Sept 23, 2009

Blind Date at the Dairy is a new cyclocross series at Alpenrose. While many people are excited that it is in the dark, I’m excited that it is cheap. With all of that money I save racing cheaper races, I can get all jacked up on Double Soy Breve Caramel Mochiatochinos from the new McCafe at McDonalds. I also like it because the fields are not 120 people thick, so my chances of lower than 100th place are substantially reduced. Not impossible. But unlikely. Luckily, the Single Speed race wasn’t dark. I think it’s much easier to race a bike in the daylight. Unlike wooing women. Which I find almost impossible to do in the daylight. Or when they’re intelligent. Or when they’re sober. Really, only the A race was in...

Double Cross –...

The Hood River Double Cross weekend in Hood River had both good parts and bad parts. The bad parts were the parts where I had to ride my bike in circles around the school as fast as possible. Those parts were bad because they made me feel awful. Physically and emotionally. The good parts were all of the other parts of the...

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