PROBAR: The Worlds Most Expensive Energy Bar Oct17

PROBAR: The Worlds M...

I’m consistently amazed by my ability as a grownup to buy anything that strikes my fancy, with little or no approval. It’s this lack over oversight that has allowed me to, in a childish effort to impress shallow people, frivolously and methodically purchase the desired objects of my youth: my racecar bed with black...

Halloween Race Costume Ideas Oct16

Halloween Race Costu...

It’s just a week and a half until the Cross Crusade Halloween Race in Astoria, and our reader (singular) is interested in costume ideas. As an avowed nudist who considers “pants” and “shoes” part of a “costume” that “the man” makes me wear every day, I’m not sure that...

One Hour Rides: Newberry to Germantown

It would be awesome if every ride we posted was an all day affair, complete with rolling hills and epic views and a picnic of champagne and strawberries, finished off with a sunset hot air balloon ride piloted by Frenchman named Francois, who spends an hour explaining the intricacies of hot air balloon operation, but in French, so we can’t understand him. Unfortunately, we don’t have an hour to learn about hot air balloons, Francois. It’s getting cold and dark these days. I’ve barely got an hour to ride, before I have to get home and tend to my drunkness. So here is a ride that, while not classy, is fast and fun and tiring. Start at the NE Blend coffee shop, with your fingers tightly gripping a cup off coffee. In...

Vendetta

It’s no secret that I like to get drunk. I once read that a glass of red wine each night reduces the risk of heart disease, so I’ve always assumed that larger doses and greater alcohol content could cure all kinds of ailments, including conversational awkwardness, an inability to tell interesting stories, and a...

The Secret Cyclocros...

People don’t like to share their training rides, because everyone wants to be the pioneer who casually drops knowledge of the most awesomest thing ever. It’s always been that way. Hip bands. Rock climbing. Unusual sex positions. They like to act smug and say “Oh, you’ve never been to this club/bolted...

Easton EC90 Aero Carbon Tubular Wheelset Oct14

Easton EC90 Aero Car...

I’ve got to get something off my chest. I’ve never ridden these wheels, these wheels I’m about to review. I have no experience with them, other than looking at them on other peoples bikes. I know a lot of review sites would frown upon reviewing a product they’ve never used. They’d throw around all...

Cross Crusade #2: Wi...

I had heard that the Wilsonville race was going to be at an abandoned mental institution now haunted by the ghosts of Ken Keasey, Abraham Lincoln, and the guy that played the crazy doctor in Canonball Run. And that the course would route us through the sanitarium, across an ancient Indian burial ground, through a spirit cave,...

Cross Crusade #1: Al...

This race report will follow the format of the last few weeks, barely addressing the topic at hand (ie: the Alpenrose race) and instead focusing on the issues that matter to the American people: hunting wolves from helicopters and the coming econ-apocalypse! I insist on bringing this up (again) because at Alpenrose this weekend...

Dutch Canyon –...

I should have known that I was in trouble when my riding partner mentioned over coffee that he had consumed a pre-ride pot cookie to help him “zone out”. And I should have grown more concerned when he told me, as we carved our way down the pockmarked pavement on Rock Creek, that he was “starting to feel...

Silver Falls –...

My first experience in the beautiful farmland East of Salem was the Mt. Angel Oktoberfest, where I drank my weight in Bud Light from a beer stein, and unwittingly opened an unlocked Honey Bucket and found a pair of young bumkins in the act of, as Chuck Woolery would say, “whoopie” while a polka band played the...

Fuck it, Dude. Let&#...

As one of the few online Bicycling and Economics Magazines out there, we feel a degree of responsibility to educate the common (ie: dumb) reader about the complicated and delicate ballet these two related topics play in our everyday lives. Yes, we may use scientific phrases that could be confusing, like “dirt poor”...

Battle at Barlow ...

Everyone kept talking about the Barlow runnup like it was their new baby. “When are you going to come over and see the runnup?!” … “Can you believe the runnup?”… “Isn’t the runnup amazing?!”… ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR RUNNUP ALREADY! Some of us are happy in our sad, selfish...

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