2010 Portland USGP Dec06

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2010 Portland USGP

Forties and fifties of people came out on Saturday to watch the celebrities of a small subgroup (cyclocross) of a much larger not-so-popular sport (cycling) that doesn’t get a fraction of the media attention of Juniors Figure Skating duke it out for overall supremacy at PIR. Maybe it’s because cyclists never have musical accompaniment by Mannheim Steamroller. Or maybe it’s because the sport is always outside in the cold and never with established seating or mobile hot dog vendors that come directly to you. Whatever the reason, no one cares about cycling or its celebrities except cyclists.

Until one of those celebrities fucks an Olsen twin.

And this is why cycling is awesome. Cycling celebrities are just like normal people! Unlike normal celebrities, cyclocross stars  have to slum it with the proles. Unless they start fucking Olsen twins. And they aren’t going to make millions of dollars like Earl Anthony, The Greatest Bowler of All Time™ (who also fucked an Olsen Twin.) Cyclocross celebrities don’t throw TVs from hotel windows during drunken binges with prostitutes. Cyclocross celebrities don’t give a shit about the Bush tax cuts, because they are smart enough to understand how tax brackets and progressive tax systems work. They don’t send pictures of their genitals to sports reporters unless asked to do so, and they never… NEVER… murder their spouses in fits of rage.

This isn’t ‘Nam, Donnie. This is cycling. There are rules.

As normal cycling folk, we’ll never get to watch an hour long live broadcast called “The Decision” about Jeremy Powers trying to decide what kind of burrito he wants for lunch. But we might get to ride around on the same course as world champions, and sometimes we might even get pushed around by those people when we get in their way. And if we’re really lucky, someone will get a picture of us right before we get lapped so it looks like we were beating that world champion for a minute or two.

Here are a bunch of photos of normal folks racing with celebrities from the Men’s and Women’s Elite races.

Photos of Celebrities