Titanium Blades and Competition Rubbers Apr10

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Titanium Blades and Competition Rubbers

I just got a table tennis catalog in the mail. It’s called Paddle Palace, and it has everything that the competitive table tennis player could ever need. I want to call it ping pong, but I think that might be like calling a little person a “midget”. I put the catalog on the back of the toilet because I think it’s funnier than the other things on the back of the toilet, like my hand knitted toilet paper cozy and back issues of Readers Digest. The catalog is full of action shots of serious and sweaty table tennis players. I can’t tell if these people are table tennis celebrities, or just models dressed up as professional table tennis players. It’s awesome either way. If I were attractive, I would put “table tennis model” at the top of my modeling queue.

The catalog looks just like a bike catalog. There are a million paddles that all look the same, but range in vrdww1price. You can go with the Tibhar Phantom X ($104.95) if you need more touch in attack and counterattack. Or maybe you think the addition of titanium in the Nittaku Titanbeat ($124.95) is the way to go, because it was rated “Ultimate fastest!” and defies all laws of grammar. There are a bunch of weird robotic tools that do shit to help your game, like the Newgy Robo-Pong 2040 ($695). There are table tennis specific shoes and polo shirts and dvds, including one I’m tempted to order called “The Wonderful and Wacky World of Table Tennis.” VHS or DVD for $24.25. They even have a computer game. I would cry with joy if it were simply Pong.

But I’m willing to bet that the non cyclists who look at my stupid catalogs feel the same way. Someone, somewhere, just got a mishandled Performance catalog, and they’re sitting on the toilet laughing about carbon fiber water bottle cages and titanium bottle opener replacement dropouts.

Our hobbies only look normal when we’re hanging out with like minded nerds.

The kid who grew up across the street from me went to the Olympics for table tennis. I always say it like it’s the most embarrassing thing you could possibly do in Olympic competition, with the exception of hitting your head on the diving board. But really, being an Olympian in anything is awesome. Even curling.

That same kid across the street once asked to borrow a dozen eggs from my grandmother, and promptly egged the entire neighborhood. My grandmother’s house included. That takes balls. Not lightweight Nittaku Young Star training ballsĀ  ($1.95 for a three pack), either. I’m talking heavy duty, Nitakku 3-star Premium balls ($3 each).

This is why I’ve always assumed table tennis players are assholes. And why I’m happy to get bike catalogs instead.

This video has nothing to do with anything, but I love it so.