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Birdland – 55 miles

In the kitchen area at work they have stash of tea. Usually it’s just the awful Lipton variety. But today they had something different. Something special. It was called New Mother tea. It promotes lactation. I don’t know what “lactation” is, but I assume that it is similar to “endurance” and that it is a byproduct of “electrolytes” and “antioxidants”. I always hear my more athletic friends talking about their lactation threshold and their lactation acids. So I made some. I’m drinking it now. I can’t tell if I’m lactating more than usual because I don’t have a power meter. But my cheeks are flush and I feel a warm glow.

I wish I’d had some of this performance enhancing wonder tea yesterday when I rode what the indigenous cyclists call “Birdland”. It’s a traditional route through Helvatia with a small side trip through the most magical place you’ve ever seen. There are peacocks and goats and ponies and geese and rainbows and flowers and moss and a wise old talking Beagle named Copper who speaks both French and Dutch fluently. While Dawn riled up the menagerie with her underwater camera, I asked Copper if he’d like a ride into town. He replied “Ah joh, ben je betoeterd, ik loop wel.”

Luckily, this is one of the two Dutch phrases I know (the other being “Jij lachte mij gisteren uit maar nu heb je zelf een puistje, lekker puh!” which roughly translates as “You laughed at me yesterday, but now you have a pimple yourself, serves you right!”)

At one point Dawn insisted that we all lay on the hood of a mossy car and pose sexy. It was obvious that none of us have any idea what sexy is. The pictures are not sexy. But I think that if I keep drinking this tea, I’ll bring sexy back.

The ride is 55 miles. Roughly 50 miles of normal and five miles of magic. Keep your lactation levels high for best performance.

birdland