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Sauvie Island – 42 Miles

First off, Sauvie Island is Sauvie Island. Not possessive (like Gilligan’s) and not plural (like the San Juans). Just Sauvie. Let’s all get together on this. Sauvie. Island. Second, it’s beautiful. Beautiful and boring. Like Akira Kurasawa movies. For my riding pleasure, I almost don’t think that you can get more boring. Just flat and straight. With traffic. So riding to Sauvie Island is all about the company. My company on this ride is Dawn. And Dawn is always splendid company.

On the way out there we talked about normal ride things. Like bike parts and bike racing and boners. I think these are normal ride conversations because they always get discussed with the people I ride
with. But as time passes, I’ve begun to think that maybe this isn’t normal. Because I was once on a group ride somewhere else, with total strangers, and I brought up the topic of boners. You know, just to chat. And it didn’t really work. People didn’t participate. No one had any interest in discussing boners. Or even the word “boner.”

It was an awkward ride.

So. Now at the island, on the first of our two planned laps, Dawn and I had the first of our two unplanned fights. This one was about a jacket she left at my house. She says I have it. I say I don’t. She is obviously wrong, but she refuses to admit it. We continue to argue abut it for roughly one mile.

We ride for another quarter mile. Then we start our second fight. This one is about our feelings. We use the words “I feel” a lot. I try to take a picture of Dawn angry at me. Dawn yells at me to stop taking pictures. We continue to talk about our feelings. We stop talking about boners completely. It seems like boner talk may never again occur.

By the start of the second lap, we’re done fighting. We’ve expressed all of our feelings and have nothing else to discuss. We talk a little bit about fighting during lap one. It seems like years ago. “Remember when we had that fight?” I ask. “Not the one about the jacket, the other one.” Dawn asks if she can see the picture of herself yelling at me for taking pictures of us fighting. She’s smiling in the photo. Dawn even fights happy.

I ask Dawn if I can write about our fight, because this is what people with websites do. They write about all of the stuff that they do everyday that no one cares about. Like brushing their teeth or riding their bikes to Sauvie Island. Dawn says no. Dawn says this is private.

Dawn’s side of the story…

True: Editor and I did some bike riding at Sauvie Island (spelled like this, without any kind of “s” at the end of Sauvie).
True: The ride is boring and flat and leads to crotch discomfort from so much sitting.
True: We did talk about boners. I have no idea who started the conversation.
False: Editor says we always talk about boners. This is just not true. On like 30% of our rides boners don’t get mentioned.
True-ish: We got in two fights. One was really more of a frustrating argument, though.
False: Editor says he doesn’t have my jacket. This is pure bullshit.
True: Both fights were old news by our second lap.

Here are some facts omitted by the editor:

* We got candy bars at the store on the island before riding home.
* We also got this new kind of Wriggley’s gum that is coffee flavored. We expected it to be gross, but in reality it was awesome.
* Stopping for junk food caused us to become surprisingly cold.
* Riding over the bridge to 30 after riding around Sauvie Island is the hardest thing ever.
* After changing clothes we went to XV and Editor bought us a pizza and got me drunk.
* Editor went home early and I ended up ice skating at mall.

Anyway. Here’s the map. Just in case you’re new to Portland. Starting from the Northern Blend. And don’t forget: Sauvie. Without an S at the end.