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Portway Tavern

Sometimes I get sad. I’m a downer. In a general kind of way. My friends and family like to say “you’re no fun at all” and “seriously, I’m not joking, you’re dragging this party down, please leave.” But my pediatrician once told me: “When life gets you down, ‘lil sosovelo editor,” he said, “you just have to go drink enough alcohol that you forget about your problems for a little while. Then, when you wake up, you’ll feel sick. Instead of sad.” Then he gave me a dinosaur sticker and one of those little plastic paratrooper toys that you throw up in the air. I’ve carried that medical advice with me for years, well into adulthood.

So it’s my interest in preventative health care that brings me to the Portway Tavern. I’m not going to talk about the Portway Tavern like I’ve been there a ton of times. I haven’t. I’ve been there twice. And there wasn’t anything exciting about it. It’s just a bar. They served me a lightly hued beer. They also gave me some popcorn. And they didn’t try to upsell me on something with “Pom” in the name, because they know that all of that pomegranate stuff is a bunch of marketing hooey. And I think that’s why I like going to the Portway when I’m down; at the Portway Tavern, you never have to worry about some bartender with cool hair snickering at your drink choice while attractive people at the bar make googoo eyes at each other. People at the Portway tavern don’t know what googoo eyes are. They just want to drink their beer, dagnabbit! Sad and alone. You take your googoo eyes to one of those fancy bars!

Portway Tavern
7600 N Willamette Blvd
Portland, OR 97203
503/ 285.3875

So the Portway is my sad bar. Right on Williamette along the Northern scenic bikeway. Away from the well-lit  boutiques and coffee shops that happy people frequent.