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Albina Press – Hawthorne

I already like the Albina Press as a pre-ride meeting spot. And I already wrote about it. But now there is another one. It’s almost exactly the same. Except it’s on Hawthorne. Not Albina. But it’s called Albina Press. On Hawthorne. I know, I don’t get it either. But stay with me.┬áJust like the other Albina Press, this one is sterile. I love sterile coffee shops. Everything looks clean, and that makes everyone act more responsible than they usually would. It’s a similar feeling to visiting the home of a wealthy person and treating all of their shit with reverence. Deep down inside you hate them for all having all of this nice stuff, but because everything looks so nice and new you don’t want to ruin it with your grubby fingers. That’s how sterile coffee shops work. Parents who visit them make their kids act responsibly. People quietly work on projects. No one jabbers on the phone.

It’s like a public library. But where you have to bring your own books. And no one shoots up or smears poop all over the walls in the bathroom.

Also, sterile coffee shops listen to better music than dirty coffee shops because sterile coffee shops have a reputation to protect. You never have to worry about jam bands at sterile coffee shops. Because it clashes with the uncomfortable modern furniture. And they’re too cool for clashing.

Anyway, the coffee shop. It’s on upper Hawthorne. Spitting distance to Mt. Tabor. Totally spandex friendly. People are too into their Macbooks to even notice your wacky clothes.

5012 SE Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97215
(503) 282-5214