The Sum of All Fears

This race report will follow the format of the last few weeks, barely addressing the topic at hand (ie: the Alpenrose race) and instead focusing on the issues that matter to the American people: hunting wolves from helicopters and the coming econ-apocalypse! I insist on bringing this up (again) because at Alpenrose this weekend I noticed at least $700 Billion dollars in bikes, ridden by over 1200 racers, totally covered in mud. Rather than discuss my subprime performance at the race (I fell more than the US dollar), I wanted to instead discuss the macroeconomic implications of what this race made very, very clear: the cyclocross racers of Portland have obviously been the victims of predatory bikes sellers, and they didn’t truly understand the financial consequences of riding really nice gear is really bad weather… and they too deserve a bailout. I’ll take mine in cash. Thanks. 

Yes, it was muddy out there. Subprime weather reports (yes, I used that that joke again) before the race left me unaware that it would be raining off an on all morning. Until the Men’s A race, and then it was just on. The right hand turn onto the velodrome made skilled cyclists look like my dog ice skating. That off camber turn above velodrome led to repeated 15-rider pileups. The last pitch of the runnup caused a bunch of last-step knee-checks. But everyone looked really happy to be at a race that wasn’t 90 degrees. Even the people being treated for cuts and scrapes seemed stoked. The runnup made for fun viewing, and it’s always a blast to watch the crowd scream the loudest for the people suffering the most. It’s that underdog quality that makes cyclocross so much fun.

Here are some pictures and a map (stolen from because it’s more accurate than my gps):