Paul Canti Brakes Dec17

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Paul Canti Brakes

I’d like to talk about brakes. Actually, that’s not true. I feel completely dispassionate about brakes. But I feel obligated to talk about brakes. Because this is supposed to be a website about bike stuff, and I’ve been wasting everyone’s time talking about cookies and pornography (even though I do not feel dispassionate about cookies or pornography.) And I want people to look at the review section and see the occasional bike-related topic. So without further discussion about the discussion, here are my thoughts on my Paul brakes.

Everyone seemed to think I needed to get Paul brakes. Because they would stop better or something. And everyone else was using them. And it was insurance money from the car that ran over me, so I should stop being such a cheap whiner about the money and just nut up. (No one has ever actually requested me to nut up. Ever. I took dramatic license there because the phrase makes me laugh.)

These brakes close around my rim when I pull my brake lever. It uses a series of gears and pulleys for leverage. Something is balanced on a pendulum somewhere. There’s a cable of some kind involved. Whatever. It seems to be the same on all cantilever brakes. I think it may be where the name comes from. But I’m told that my cyclocross bike should have Paul canti brakes. Even though they cost a lot of money. I ask why I should buy these expensive brakes, rather than some cheap brakes and some Thai food and seven cocktails made with expensive name-brand liquor. I’m told that these expensive brakes are better. I ask what makes them better, and I’m told it’s because the arm thingies stick out really far. I check the Paul website and I’m told that, indeed, these are better because the arm thingies stick out really far. Eager to have good brakes, I get Paul brakes with the arm thingies that stick out really far and spend the evening hungry and sober.

I’m told to run cyclocross brakes up front and touring brakes in the rear. I ask what the difference is, and I’m told that the touring brakes have thingies that don’t stick out as far. I ask why I would want this, given that it’s the thingies that stick out really far that makes them better (read: more expensive) in the first place. Apparently, I want the front brake to be amazing. But I would like the rear brake to be somewhat less amazing. I would like the rear brake to be more modest. I’m told that this is how it’s done.

“If this is how it’s done, why don’t they just sell the pair this way and call them cyclocross brakes?” I ask.

I’m told to stop asking questions. I’m also reminded that it is insurance money from the car that ran over me, so I should stop being such a cheap whiner and nut up.

Then someone came to the house with different brakes. They work the same as all other brakes. You know, with the magic gears and pulleys and levers and stuff. But these say Kore on them. Mine say Paul. “These are now better,” I’m told. Even though the thingies don’t stick out as far. “But I thought mine were the best because of the thingies that stick out really far except on the rear which is a more modest brake!” I cry. I’m told that they were the best. Yesterday. But today these other brakes are the best. Regardless of the distance that the thingies stick out. I think perhaps because these new brakes are white.

It appears that there are lots of brands of brakes that stop people. They all have different thingy lengths. I like that my brakes stop me. But I think everyone’s brakes stop them. Sometimes I wish that I had cheaper brakes and some Thai food and seven cocktails made with name brand liquor instead.