As we enter the Winter season, it’s become obvious to me that this website is going to spend a few months in a bear-like state of bike blog hibernation. Sure, we’ll keep writing things. But they’ll suck. The “Routes” and “Races” sections of the site will grow dusty while the...

The last time I went to the Belmont Stumptown to meet for one of the local celebrity team rides, one of the local celebrities farted. And one of the other local celebrities called it out. Like this. “Hey, one of you farted.” And everyone nodded and mumbled in agreement. And then everyone looked around for obvious...

The cool thing about going to college is you get to look forward to all the times that you don’t have to be in college. With an epic 3 weeks of winter at my disposal, I headed to the Bay Area for a vay-cay and some warmer weather. Before I left I visited the internet and googled myself up the Northern California bike race...

Someday, when I become one of those people who buys multiple bike parts, I’ll write reviews of different models of the same component. But for now I’m just going to write reviews of non-specific bike parts. Like “wheels.” With conclusions like “one of the roundest parts of my bike.”...

Arleta Library Cafe has the best breakfasts in Portland. I know, I’ve said things like this before. But this time I mean it. It really, truly is the best breakfast in Portland. And the wait isn’t very long. And the people that work there are super nice. And the coffee is delicious and bottomless. And the baked goods...

I’ve learned a lot about the Internet in the two months since I got one. I’ve learned that “LOL” means “very funny” and that “BRB” means “I’m bored with this conversation and will most likely not be returning.” And that “A++++ EBAYER!@#$ WULD BUY AGAIN!...

I’d like to talk about brakes. Actually, that’s not true. I feel completely dispassionate about brakes. But I feel obligated to talk about brakes. Because this is supposed to be a website about bike stuff, and I’ve been wasting everyone’s time talking about cookies and pornography (even though I do not...

Christmas shopping fucking sucks. For the last five or ten years I’ve been saddled with a guilt-based gift theory that everything I buy needs to be consumable or transferable. Which is why, by my estimation, a book or some homemade cookies are a “good” Christmas gift and VHS pornography is a “bad”...

If I’ve learned just one thing about the internet during my 10+ years working bullshit office jobs that require little more of me than just looking at videos of monkeys peeing in their own mouths, it’s that Internet people love numbers. If you put a number in front of something, they’ll read it. That’s...

I’d never ridden Larch Mountain until the the hill climb race last year. It was just like a normal recreational ride, except I was alone the goal was to ride as fast as possible. Apparently that’s how time trials work.  I remember that it was really cold at the top. Which I didn’t notice on the way up,...

On Sunday I did two things that I thought would be a lot of fun, but they both turned out to pretty much “meh”. I also studied for my math final. This was also “meh”. So I thought I would review them using word problems. Feel free to use scratch paper, and remember to show your work! 1. The Cross Crusade...