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Waffle Makers of Portland

Portland has gone waffle crazy, and I attribute it all to bike racing. You get one of those crazy race junkies talking about Belgium, and their eyes go all wonky and they start blathering about Walloon and the Phlegms and Sven Nys and the War Crimes Tribunal. And waffles, always waffles. Well you know what, excitable race guy? I don’t know what most of those things are, because I’m not an Ivy League educated latte drinking socialist. But I know what waffles are. And if we’re going to have any kind of conversation, it’s going to have to revolve around those. So in the interest of bipartisanship and reaching across the aisle, I’m waffle tasting.

When I was growing up, “Belgian” waffles were just an excuse to have whipped cream in the morning. If I had pancakes or normal waffles, I was stuck with syrup. But if I asked for Belgian waffles, I could put all kinds of shit on it and no one would say anything (which is how I developed the Oreo, Skittles, and PixieStix waffle). In my mind, the Belgians were a group of gluttonous hedonists who would pile forbidden foods onto normal waffles and call it “breakfast”. And I respected them for it. Now that I’m a mature adult with refined tastes and sensibilities, I see that very little has changed. Waffles are still an excuse to eat whatever you want early in the morning.

Jace Gace: You know what, Jace Gace? Your name has too many special characters and it’s a pain in the ass to type. So I’m docking you some points right there. You remind me of my friend Tomas (toe MAS) who insisted that I type the accent on his name in emails, and I then insisted that he buy me an international (in ter nash ee on AL) keyboard. Aside from the special charaters, Jace Gace has waffles. Which were ok. Just waffles with crazy shit on them. I had the Pina (PEEN ya) Colada waffle, which was kind of bland. But they also had beer, which more than makes up for the special characters.

Jace Gace
2045 SE Belmont St
Portland, OR 97214
(503) 239-1887

Flavour Spot: Everyone kept talking about this place, I assume because of the very-European “-our” spelling of their name (a very clevour way to suck in all of those Belgium-loving cosmopolitan cyclists). They have two locations, but I went to the original one on Lombard. The wait was kind of insane, with a bunch of hoodie’d kids milling around in the rain waiting for waffles. They’re just WAFFLES, man. I got two. They are more the skinny type you’d make at home. One was an apple cobbler thing, which was delicious. The other was a slightly-burned meat filled waffle with both free market American bacon and commie socialist Canadian bacon. The burned part wasn’t very good, but the meat made me forget about it.

Flavour Spot
2310 N Lombard St
Portland, OR 97217
(503) 289-9866

Waffle Window: Definately the best of the bunch. The waffles were small, but flaky. The guy working the window had a nondescript European accent, like Russel Crowe in Gladiator, that screamed out “you can trust my waffles because I’m nondescriptly European”. We got two waffles, one with bacon, brie and basil and the other with a crust-less pumpkin pie and caramel. Both were amazing.

Waffle Window
SE 36th Ave and Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97255
(503) 239-4756