T-Mobile Sidekick
If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I love my Sidekick phone almost as much as I love my bikes. I never expected to care this much about a communication device—In fact, I’d always hated to talk on the phone at all. I came late to the cell phone party and didn’t expect to stay long, but by the end of the night, I was the asshole raging louder and harder when the cops burst in to shut it all down. Yes, I had discovered the magical world of text messaging, fell in love, and never looked back. So believe me when I say that it’s with a heavy heart that I must admit that the Sidekick, the uncontested champion of keyboard text messaging, has its shortcomings in the world of cycling. My devotion to the T-mobile mainstay will continue until the end of my days, but I must advise fellow bicycle riders against falling into a similar trap. Do NOT ride your bike with a Sidekick phone!
It’s kind of weird being the oldest living human being to own a Sidekick. Somehow I missed the marketing memo suggesting only sassy urban teens own the flashy contraption, which might have steered me towards a more age-appropriate Blackberry or Razor. Consequently, whenever I whip the phone out in a public setting, previously unseen teenagers emerge from their hidden slouching locations and gather around me in a curious pack, angling for a better look at the mysterious device. A murmur of excitement spreads through the group, then the inevitable “Is that a Sidekick? Can I see? How did you get it?”
How did I get it?? I bought it, assorted teens. With money. Money that I made from a job, because I’m a grown-up. In fact, I buy what I want, WHEN I want. And I eat candy all the time and I stay out late
and I buy alcohol whenever I want to drink it. ‘Cause I may look like you guys, but I’m nothing like you. I’m twice your age and I rule twice as much, so back off and let me finish text messaging my mom! K THNX!
Before this turns into a bitter rant about the downsides of constantly being mistaken for a middle school student, allow me to return to my original thesis: The Sidekick is a great phone for sassy urban teens, but a terrible phone for cyclists.
First off, there’s the flip function. It looks GREAT when you punctuate some hilarious, biting comeback with an imperceptible twitch of your thumb, flipping the screen open with a dramatic in-your-face-fool “thwip!” that really puts a hater right in his/her place. It looks AWFUL, however, when you endo into the streetcar tracks because you were trying to pull the aggressively vibrating phone out of its holster and flip the screen open to answer a work-related call while navigating the ubiquitous road construction of downtown Portland. Suddenly a phone that opens SIDEWAYS to reveal a complex grid of keys and buttons doesn’t seem like such a wise expenditure of your hard-earned allowance money. You fall, the phone falls, teenagers are on the phone in a second like a pack of techno-hungry vultures, and the next thing you know, you’re back to using one of those sensible uninspired phones that flips upward for easy on-the-go usage. A modern day tragedy wreaking havoc on our gritty downtown streets!
The second reason cyclists should avoid the Sidekick is that the size and placement of the screen is ridiculous. Even if you CAN get the phone open while in motion, you’re left with the uncomfortable realization that the side of your disgustingly sweaty face needs to be firmly pancaked against the sensitive LCD screen of the device to get any communication results. Eventually moisture emanating from your own body betrays you and the once-impressive functions of the phone yield to your inevitable filth. Let’s face it, you’re not gonna ride around with a Bluetooth hanging out in your ear, but you still have other mobile options. All I’m suggesting is that you leave the Sidekick to me and my teenaged friends and get your sweaty, fumbling fingers on a grown-up phone. Thwip!
Ever since I traded in my 3-year-old Nokia phone for whatever other phone tmobile had for free I have rued the decision. While this new Samsung contraption takes photos and lets you have the numbers appear in rainbow colors as you dial them (why would anyone need this? Why have I opted to use this function?), it DOES NOT do the single best thing that my old Nokia did: fit under the straps of my helmet so I could chat and ride. This new bogus flip phone just slips right out.
So please add this to your list of phones-to-not-buy-if-you-want-to-use-the-phone-while-riding-your-bike.