Rickreall Rampage – September 27, 2008

I had planned to talk about the races this weekend, but no one cares about my race observations. I mean, what is there to talk about, really? There were some muddy parts and some dry parts and some parts where people wrecked and some mildly famous people. But if you raced it, you already know all of this. And if you didn’t race it, then you probably don’t care what the course was like. So let’s talk about my new mug! Disclaimer: If you don’t care about my new mug, just skip to the bottom.

I bought my USGP-branded insulated mug on Saturday morning while knee deep in recycler’s guilt. I didn’t want to waste paper, but I DID want to eat repeated servings of oatmeal. The mug was $15 and I was a little embarassed about the expenditure, but I started feeling better when the generous folks at Bob’s Red Mill filled it up to the top. And I ate it. All of it. Then I filled it with coffee and drank that, with the little chunks of oatmeal that were still left in my magic chalice. Then I filled it with more coffee, and drank that too. (As a side note, do you have any idea what that much oatmeal can do to your intestines when catylized with 2 cups of Chris King coffee? Well I do.)

And this is when the magic happened….

The overzealous UCI announcer stopped screaming the both innapropriate and historically inaccurate phrase “Oh the humanity!” for a moment to drop the knowledge that my mug came bundled with a weekend of free soup. FREE SOUP! I quickly calculated in my head the value of this carpenters cup that I now held in my hand as I went back for some carrot ginger with coffee and oatmeal chunks. At $5 per cup, I could potentially save more money with this cup than I’ve ever put into a 401k. All I had to do was keep eating.

I ate my carrot soup. Then I had some chili. Then I rinsed my cup out with recovery drink. THen I had some split pea. Then I went behind the Craft tent and projectile vomited my name in a rainbow of earthy bile tones. Then got some more oatmeal to make the taste go away. Then had some more coffee. Then I was ready to go again. Back to the soup!

People kept asking me, “Are you still eating?” and I kept replying “It’s free! Anything I want to consume… It’s ALL FREE!!!”

Drunk on frugality, I wrapped some frittes up in a waffle, covered it in nutella, smashed it down into my goblet of fire and ate it. I ate a Yakima scarf soaked in beer. I ate a polish dog, then ate a labradoodle, both with mustard and kraut. I ate Barry Wicks stolen Kona and an extra pair of his carbon wheels. I ate an unidentified racer in the Beginner Womens class.

I. Ate. Everything.

I must have blacked out in a food coma sometime during the UCI Masters race, because I woke up bloated and covered in mud. On Sunday. I had eaten enough for the Winter, but had unfortunately only hibernated overnight. I had roughly two months of soup weight in my belly, waiting for Spring, and I was worried this would soon be what Steinbeck called “the Winter of my incontinent”. I brought my golden ticket urn to Day 2, but I just couldn’t get excited about eating anything ever again, so I focused on watching the race.

The bulk pictures of everyone are here. I’d be happy to provide higer resolution versions if you want them.